Wednesday, 23 May 2012

What do i do?

Next month my OH reaches a milestone birthday of 50.He has grand ideas of what he wants for his birthday.It started off a year or so back with him wanting to go on an all inclusive holiday for a week and the family coming too.Then when he realised holidays are off the agenda he wanted John Otway to come and play at our house.( i didn't even bother to look into the price of that one,)
Now as of last night for someone who didn't want a party he wants a gathering at our house.Well he go to 20 people without us and my children and partners.This is all well and good and I'm not a kill joy(well maybe i am)
but even with everyone bringing a bottle it would cost at least £150 to cater and provide rest of drinks.
If this was the only thing going on that wouldn't be too bad but the week before is fathers day,we are going away to a hotel which was paid for by DD .We still need to spend money on food and fuel. The week after is DGD's birthday and her last weekend with us before leaving for Scotland.DS wants us all to go away for a few days to celebrate her birthday.

So I'm in a pickle lots going through my mind,i  cant see any of this fitting in with wanting to pay off my debts this year.DD (youngest) says we have to do something special for her dad to mark his birthday and all this doesn't even include going in with her to get the present.

DD came down this morning and said when she woke it felt like she was on holiday.I said that's the only way i get a holiday is in my dreams and was accused of being negative...

What should i do?


  1. It must be so difficult when the rest of the family aren't onboard with the debt-busting that you're working so hard at.I think you probably need to sit everyone down and talk about it - explain that there's a finite amount of money and trips away, parties etc are a luxury,50th birthday or not. It's not fair that all of the burden to make everyone's wishes come true falls on you.

  2. I really feel sorry for you, having a selfish family who expect to carry on spending when you are in debt. I don't know how much debt you have, but I think you need to explain to everyone that spending someone else's money is not on. Explain that you got into this situation because you spent more than you earnt and it has to stop.

    About the 50th party, you could do it a lot cheaper than the £150 you estimated. People usually bring more booze than they drink because they don't want to embarrass themselves. All you need to do is get a few cheap cans, and make a cheap buffet from scratch, not bought in frozen rubbish. If it is nice weather could you have it in the garden, put a few decorations up? Tell people it's fancy dress.

    When planning trips, days out, holidays, parties etc, make a budget for each event. Have some containers labeled up, then ask family members for their donations towards it. Then when the day comes closer, and there isn't enough money in the pot, you don't do it, can't afford it, simple as that.

    You should be leading the younger members of the family by example, teaching them the value of money, not dipping into your purse for every whim they demand of you. They will hate you now for it, but will be gratefull later on, when they grow some common sense.

    Try not to make any negative comments about not being able to afford something, easier said than done I know. But if you put a cheery face on, everytime you pay a bit more off your debt, then they can't accuse you of being negative. Always try and turn a negative into a positive. Look for pleasure in the simplest of things. Please hold on to your determination to get rid of that evil debt, don't lose sight of crossing that finishing line.

    1. total debt just under £6000 now.x

  3. I also get accused of being negative and I probably am as I struggle through on my own and get annoyed about having to do that. I agree with Scarlet the family need to know exactly how you feel and then they all need to dig deep to give DH the party they all want him to have. Stop trying to do this on your own, you need the support.....

  4. It is so hard being the "Lone Ranger" when putting debt to the curb. I too get lots of negitive comments or rolling of eye's when I say we can't afford something. We have no debt other than our home but it wouldn't take long to get in over our heads. I think you could pull off a nice party for DH and keep the cost down by cooking at home. Check out some crock pot recipes for easy low budget idea's, stick to snacks instead of a meal, have the start time after dinner so folks know to eat before they come. Good luck with the party, don't give up on debt reduction!!!! Peer preasure stinks when it comes from your own family

  5. Everyone of my family and friend's always ask"what can I bring?" so ask those you feel comfortable asking. Then start baking/cooking yourself..get a ham and slice it -or make BBQ chicken ot a big pot of pulled pork or sloppy joes for sandwiches. We don't do fancy here but everyone has a good time and loves to be asked!

  6. We couldn't afford celebrations for our 50th birthdays or our 25th anniversary. No big deal.
    I had a virtual blog party for mine.
    Ilona's advice is great (it always is!).
    Jane x

  7. We did an "at home" for GD's 18th in December. I went to Iceland and spent £30 on food, the £1 shop and bought packs of 3 foil trays with lids, and had the oven on all evening, baking the pre-prepared party food that went down a storm. I also made lots of crudites from carrots and celery sticks, and a pile of hummus. Also bowls of crips. Although we had about 80 people over the course of the evening, I wanted to enjoy it, so the pets went somewhere else overnight, as did all the ornaments (!) and I borrowed plates and glasses and chairs from friends.
    One friend who asked what she could do to help provided a cake (she is a brilliant baker) and everyone else who was invited had a "bring a bottle and something to share" on their invite. It was a great evening.

    I can recommend having your washing up bowl with clean water and a selection of cloths handy, and a mop and bucket - also spare loo rolls!
    The stereo played a selection of CDs as it is the company that is important.

    Hope some of this helps!


  8. Fostermummys party sounds like THE one to copy. You could ask everyone to bring a bottle and a dish of food and then you only have to stock up on some cheap cans and bottles and some soft drinks.

    You can make a good buffet a lot cheaper than £150, if you have a couple of weeks buy some of the foods and drinks each week.

    One good tip...change from simply saying 'we can't afford that' to 'I wish we could afford that', it stops setting you apart from the spenders and makes them realise that you are doing without things too!

    Sue xx

  9. Hi, I think if I were you on this one I would give in! You have done so well this year so far paying off huge amounts, and if you put your foot down you may end up with less support further down the line when you are trying to carry on being frugal to clear the mortgage earlier.

    Could you say yes to the party but get him to chip in and control the budget yourself so it doesn't get out of hand? If its summer you could do a very simple bbq just burgers and buns with salad and bring a bottle.

    As for going away with the dgk's I would do that too! Sorry but I don't think you would look back and wish you had not gone , but you might look back and wish you had, as they are young would the family consider camping, as I thought you said you already had a tent? the adults might be reluctant but the kids will love it and it would be something memorable for them especially if they have not done it before.

    Sorry to be a bad influence, and I do understand here you are coming from with the lack of support, hope you work it all out x

  10. Hi
    I'm with the others - really you know, when it all boils down to it - it's the close friends and family being there and celebrating with him that matters, not where it is, or how much it costs, and how many 'non close friends' come along - could you borrow a gazebo and put it up in the garden to help with space and do it on the cheap after all it's the thought and love that's put into his day not the money - Hope it works out for you and you are doing so well with the debt reduction xx

  11. Thanks for all your replies,i will take everyone of them on board and try to come to the right conclusion.I have spoken to my girls and let them know how i feel so hopefully we can work something out x

  12. You are right to stay strong. Why spoil all your hard work.

    But you can afford a mini celebration. Just stay in control and then on the night relax and enjoy.

    It sounds to me like you have reached a stage where you couldn't be reckless anyway. You've travelled too far to throw caution to the wind now.

    Big Hugs

    Sft x

  13. I just join what everyone else said. Good luck! It can be tough with family members who don't share your struggles. And as for guests, I would do a potluck! :) Ask them all bring an appetizer or something!