Even though i could quite easily focus on all the catalogue of errors that have happened in my life i try and focus on the good parts.
This is extremely difficult at times when the 2 people you live with are quite negative.DD will always moan about herself,she will put down the way she looks the fact that she failed her driving test didn't achieve the grades she wanted in her AS levels and im continually trying to make her feel good about herself,She was off school for 3 months with her ankle and her teachers hardly sent her any work home so she tried to self study and catch up.I know year 13 will be better for her but at the moment shes all for throwing the towel in.
OH has got worse as hes got older with the negativity.He works blooming hard but vents all his anger at me (not physically) He moans when he has no work and the phone doesnt ring now he moans that hes busy and at present because of the dry weather hes working 7 days a week.He tells me i dont appreciate what hes doing,how on earth do you show this to someone.I never expect or ask him to do jobs at home,I cook and clean and work part time,I sort all his problems out and am a taxi service to all my children but because i dont broadcast what i do he thinks i do nothing.
I try and put across to him that life has dealt us enough cruel blows so why pick a fight over trivial things but this goes straight over the top of his head.
Today im going to do a customers ironing and then take DD to her nan and grandads to say hello and goodbye again,DD is off on her holidays again today this time with her girlfriends.All her washing is done from last holiday and ready to be packed for next one.OH and i are taking her to Gatwick again this evening and 2 of her friends.
So i leave you lovely people with this( how true this is) and a picture off my lovely little ladies.
When you feel positive, you can immediately think of many more things that you would like to do in comparison to when you feel negative. You can express felling happy in many ways. In contrast, when you feel sad or unhappy, it is hard to motivate yourself to do anything except think about your troubles.”
How true that is. Sometimes life is like that - not a bowl of cherries. I've been feeling a bit down in the dumps this week but you have inspired me to pick myself up, brush myself down and start all over again (to quote the song) Starting right now. Thankyou and I hope you feel a bit better for sharing this.
ReplyDeletePatricia x
Hugs to you today, sometimes family can be a real pain in the .... but life would be boring without a little of the bad along with the good
ReplyDeleteHi I relate to what you have written. Families eh we love em but they can be pretty hard work to. I try not to think about certain things to much sometimes . The other day I was talking to a neighbours daughter who has a DD the same age as mine, she was so sweet and girly. I came in and thought I wish my DD could be that sort of girl not advanced the way she is for her years. Then I thought thats bad to think like that. But then I tell myself of course I love her but i do not love the things she does. I think its good & your are doingfine. You are not alone beleive me x xx
ReplyDeleteSadly you can't control whether they are positive thinkers or not.
ReplyDeleteall you can do, is try to remain more positive yourself. I know when I'm grumpy, it makes OH's behaviour worse -
remember:
A positive mind anticipates happiness, joy, health and a successful result.
Negative thoughts, words and attitude bring up negative and unhappy moods and actions. When the mind is negative, poisons are released into the blood, which cause more unhappiness and negativity. This is the way to failure, frustration and disappointment.
Granny x
My advice would be look for another job and work full time - stop being there for them to moan at when it suits them and being a taxi service - earn a little extra cash and then treat yourself!
ReplyDeleteBecause you are so worth it and perhaps then they will start to see that you're not there to be moaned at all the while, you're there because you love them so much.......they say you can pick your friends but not your family - so true - Take care
Hugs from me xxxx
This is the very best advice you could receive. I have been in your situation and this is what worked for me. Get out of the house. Join some groups to keep really busy. Do not live other people's lives for them. Let them fall down so they learn. You have to be a separate person. They are stressed because you keep helping them.
DeleteGreat post! It's sometimes hard to stay positive among all the negativity but it's not gonna help anyone if you start behaving like that too. And one of the reason why I love blogging so much is because of all the support and friendship from the amazing people I've never met in my life but I feel like I know them for years!
ReplyDeleteSometimes we all get down and have miserable patches, however after reading your post all I could think was your dh sounds a lot like mine, basically ok but getting more of a grumpy b*gger as the years pass!
ReplyDeleteLove the picture of the girls, I would LOVE chickens but we had 2 of my mums a couple of years ago and we re-homed them after a week due to the garden being so small, there wa no space left for us.
I have followed your blog from its early days,and can only go off what you have written, but from the beginning it seems that you have been the one who was trying to sort out your debts, support your family, keep the peace etc. and they don't seem to appreciate you. Maybe you either need to start broadcasting what you do, or not do it so that they notice. Was your dd pro-active in seeking out the college work? Did she e-mail her tutors to find out what she should be doing? Did she complain to the college that work wasn't forthcoming before it got too late? As far as your husband venting all his anger at you - I view being someone's verbal punchbag as abuse just like being their physical one - I've seen the effect of it in my extended family. It does seem as if you are using your physical and emotional energy propping others up, taking the strain and/or making them feel good about themselves, but what about you? Who, in your family ,is thinking about you,supporting you and making you feel good? You deserve to be treated well by them.
ReplyDeleteI agree entirely with what Scarlet says in her comment.
ReplyDeleteI think you should start pointing out, just in little ways, all the things you do. Sit and talk to your husband over the evening meal and ask him how his day has been and then tell him all about yours.
Make daily lists, leave your 'to do list' lying on the table or worktop or stuck to the fridge with a magnet where folk will see it, cross off the things you have done and add those you didn't manage to do to the next days list.
Soon they should all begin to realise justhow much you do actually do. And don't forget to list EVERYTHING!!
Above all think of yourself. If everyone is out of the house, take time for yourself even if it means NOT doing something on your list. Sit with a coffee and a book or a tv programme and DON'T feel guilty.
Sue xx
Hello my lovely, just logging in to say hi. Hope you've had a good couple of days.
ReplyDeleteLots of love Granny x
I used to try and help everyone who was a bit down, or grumpy, or moany, negative people can surely drain you. But there are some people who blame everyone but themselves for their circumstances, these people you just can't help. Best to walk away to preserve your own sanity. Hard I hnow when it's family, but if you give too much of yourself you will find you become like them. Best to take a deeep breath and a step back, and let them get on with it.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand where you are coming from. My husband is the same - stresses when he's busy and panics even more when the work is not flooding in. He too at the moment works 7 days a week, myself working 6 but that is one of the pitfalls of working for yourself. I just count myself lucky that we are both working. With regards to the un-noticed things you do somebody once said to me, if you don't do it they will soon notice it hasn't been done. I tried it for half a day but couldn't stand it. Sometimes I think we are our own worst enemies. :)
ReplyDelete